How to Help Someone You Know
When Talking to a Friend You Think is Being Abused
- Listen to what they have to say and don't be judgmental.
- Let them know you are there for whenever they need to talk and that you are worried about them.
- Let them know you won't tell anyone they don't want to know about the situation--and then keep your word (unless you fear for their physical safety).
- Be specific about why you are concerned--"I felt bad when I saw you significant other insult you in front of all of us. They don't have the right to treat you that way. What did you think about it?"
- Let your friend know you won't stand by and let the behavior continue.
- Find someone knowledgeable about abuse that they can talk to, and volunteer to go with them.
When Talking to a Friend Who is Being Abusive
- Be specific about what you saw and how it made you feel.
- Make sure they realize that their actions have consequences, and they could get in serious trouble--from getting expelled from school to going to jail.
- Urge them to get help, from a counselor, coach, or any trusted adult, and offer to go with them if they want support.
- Let them know you care, and that you know they have it in them to change.
- Most individuals who hurt their significant others don't consider themselves "batterers"--many are in denial about the severity of their actions. It's hard for us, as their friends, to believe it, too. But reaching out and talking to a friend we think is being violent in their relationship is truly an act of friendship, though it may seem like the hardest thing you can do.